One of the biggest lessons which inspired me to write my experience is that people are full of bullshit – people mostly promise the earth to you but all you get is a weed, so they overpromise and definitely under deliver. I have wasted an eyewatering amount of money on mentorships, on people who told me – do this or you will fail, get xxxx amount of money in your first hour, get your clients throwing money at you……the promises go on. Also, If you do not know enough then you will not succeed, so buy an extra course so you can get it…..
Business mentorships which involve handing over shit loads of money which can amount to a deposit on a house and then your first born, are the worst. I got swept up in the sell of it all, the music, the dancing, the urgency and needing to be part of something, if not then I am going to fail as a businesswoman. The ‘they know better than me’ sense and so along with my money, I hand over my dignity, sense of self, identity and power. A year in – what have I got to show from these ‘mentors’? Jack diddly squat. Instead of feeling empowered, happy, successful and part of this community I have crippling fear, I feel broke, totally disempowered, angry, frustrated and a failure.
They usually have the worst websites (Where does all the money go you paid??????), you get access to a ‘membership site’ which is basically webinars which are 5 years old and PDF’s of information which has not been updated since they realised that their technique once worked and is really not relevant now.
They also encourage you to join these Facebook groups so you can be in a community and get advice but it is just a fob off from you bothering your mentors.
Basically, they tell you what to do then you go off and do it, even if you do not know what the hell you are doing. An example of this was when I was trying out ‘selling’. This was at the time when I was still working in the health, weight and body mindset area. I was told to speak to 5 women a day and get them to agree to a ‘discovery call’ – so, I was to go up to 5 women a day and talk to them about their weight and body issues and tell them I can help them……hmmmmmmm……I think my mentor had been on too much ‘Jesus Juice!’. I get it is much easier to approach people if you are to speak about business but when it comes to women’s weight and health – not so easy! Am I right??
There is no handholding, comforting words or cheerleading and if you are struggling then you should join their training and spend more money or check out the resources on their membership sites! You only get a certain time with them too – maybe only 6 hours of 1:1 and I have found that they tend to do all the talking in that hour then I come off the call wondering what has just been discovered.
Do not get me wrong, I think the organisers intentions are good and they truly believe they can help because it worked for them originally and it will work for others but what is their drive? These organisations also offer these ‘refunds’ but only if you do everything they tell you so if they have online, ongoing training which you can not attend once, it completely negates your right for a refund. I know it all sounds so negative but it isn’t – mentorship is great for many people and has helped hundreds of clueless entrepreneurs but I would say – do not make any snap decisions in the now, if you like the sound of a programme then have a think about it unless you are very sure and by that I mean you ‘gut instinct’, and really check out if they are able to meet your expectations and deliver. Especially, when it involves a LOT of money. If not, buyers remorse can come and not just knock on your door but blow your house down.
Moving on from mentorships – I have also learnt that anyone and I mean anyone can call themselves a coach and set up a business around that. If you had a trauma because you broke a fingernail then you can become a trauma coach. If you ate an extra piece of cake and your BMI went from underweight to just right, you can set yourself up as health coach. Far too many people think this is a way to make a quick buck – boy does this irk me. Yes, I guess I am a coach (though I prefer to think of myself as more of a life mentor) but I have a psychology background, training in psychotherapy, a coaching certificate and I have broken more fingernails and gone into the overweight BMI category more times than you can imagine! I feel I am unique and I genuinely can help people in their lives when I mix in my training, work experience, skills, natural ability and the way I see the world but how to convey that to the people who really do need the help?
This is the problem again of business owners over promising and under delivering and the result is we are just growing more scepticism and caution and this really effects the genuine, amazing coaches out there. I am and have been so fortunate to meet and be helped by incredible people but I have learnt to be guided by how I feel about someone rather than what their words are telling me they can do. I maybe talking myself out of you (or someone you know) being a client of mine as marketing is all about the words but I am about being real and reading this will elicit feelings and if you then feel that I could help you or someone you know (I have to put myself out there…….! 😉) rather than me trying to sell with a big huge ad campaign, then I am fulfilling what I am about.
I am, an out of the box thinker who does not like being caged into doing what everyone else is doing which has made my journey more interesting. I gave my power away just over a year ago and it has taken this long to get it back. As a result of power giving, I was going down the wrong path with my business and I was trying to tread water with leg weights on, not understanding why being in business was not as easy as everyone else was conveying. Why was everyone else getting clients, or speaking engagements? My colleagues were being asked to collaborate with, but not me – this completely ate at my self confidence as a business woman, ‘coach / mentor’ and person. I felt a failure before I had begun, until I woke up one day and realised that I was a complete fraud and I needed to move away from the direction I was going in as that was not my voice. If you remember in part 1, I mentioned one of the biggest wants of being my own boss was to have freedom and I have just mentioned I am an out of the box thinker, well that was what I wanted to inspire others to do. To get out of the feeling to fit in and do what everyone else is doing – lets start fitting out. Lets celebrate uniqueness and not be afraid of it. Lets stop labelling ourselves and only identifying with what is normal. If you want to go left but everyone else is going right then why not? You do not actually have to act anything out but at least having the headspace to think that way is great. It is all about living as you. People ask me – why do I want to teach and mentor people? Because my passion is to inspire you to get in touch with your inner adventurer, to look fear in the face and walk through it.
I must remind you that this is all my experience – others have been very different and also have been similar and yes, everytime I realise I fucked up with signing up to something which has not lived up to my expectations, I do look at what is my role in all of this and what can I get out of it? I do not for sure just live in pessimism and victim but I am sharing this so others can avoid falling for the constant sales bullshit.
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